Benedryl Dreams

Back when I was working at, you know, a job, and had to be on the phones at 9:30 and stay awake there til 6:30, it was a serious problem if I didn't sleep well. If I also had to commute, it was an even more serious problem. And I'm kind of an insomniac, have been since I was a child. And the neighbors were sometimes very noisy very late.

For all these reasons, and because I fear real sleeping pills and habits and so forth, I began taking a little bit of Benedryl at bedtime. On really bad nights, perhaps two of them -- which is an okay dose -- but usually just one half. Very very small. Unless I'm really badly stressed about something, one half of a tiny pink Benedryl will do it. I sit with my lamp on and read for a few minutes until I realize I've read the same paragraph half a dozen times and gotten a different story from it each time and then I turn off the light and close the book and that's that.

Except for the dreams. Benedryl, even in that little micro dose, gives me really intense dreams, and I don't mean like the Cormac McCarthy cannibalism nightmares of last weekend. I almost never have bad dreams, just really weird really vivid ones.

Early this morning, for instance, I dreamed I brought in the mail and in the middle of it was a misdelivered piece which actually had Josiah's name and address on it. In the dream I thought, "They really messed up this time -- he doesn't even live in California!" But I understood that the mistake was due to the same last name, or maybe the fact that the mailing had my name inside it -- it was a requested brochure from a Rest Home, extolling its virtues as a place to put me. Josiah???

And after that came a dream email from Jenna, cc'ed to Ethan and Sharis and thanking the three of us for being the only ones who were going to be able to come to her baby shower the very next day in Hawaii. The baby's name was Felix. And in the dream I thought in a panic, "Tomorrow? I can't come tomorrow! I thought it was next month!" So I hurried onto a plane and went right then to apologize for not being able to come the next day -- and yes, Jenna and Adam lived in Hawaii, with (as I realized after I woke up) a baby whose name ends in 'x.' Hmmm. When I got there it was indeed Jenna and Adam but with two small boys and a girl who was actually a plastic doll and the older boy was named Dylan. I took three dolls symbolizing the three children and was going to reknit the small-child Dylan's cap for him but it was already good enough. I was disappointed that I couldn't help. Felix hadn't arrived yet. I asked why, when they had this whole Celtic thing going with most of the other names, they had suddenly jumped to Felix but they didn't know. Jenna took me back to the airport, because, of course, I couldn't stay, and I had to go find my airline, which was tricky, and I cried all the way to the plane because I was lost. I don't think that counts as a nightmare.

But it might be time to try skipping the Benedryl.